It’s Over – Not: Ways to Know It’s Right to Reunite with Your Ex

Some couples seem to enjoy a feisty relationship and despite some regular heated exchanges, they always seem to stick together, but we are all different of course, and some of us soon get out of the heat and part at the first sign of their relationship running into trouble.

You can travel through life with a number of regrets and one of those might be that you should have found out more about how to get your ex back, so what are the signs to suggest that your relationship still has some mileage in it?

Post-break up doubts

There will always be some of us who say enough is enough and vow not to go back, but for plenty of us, there is almost always going to be an element of post-breakup doubt that will creep in.

You might find yourself questioning whether you should have give your ex-partner one more try to make it work or you could realize that you still have strong feelings for them, which persist after you are no longer together.

The point about relationships is that there are so many aspects that are not really that black and white, more a shade of gray in reality.

You can look at certain flashpoint and scenarios that all contributed to the relationship breaking down and perhaps decide that your reaction was a bit harsh or hasty, or there could be any number of reasons why you are now having doubts about whether you should have broken up.

Time apart can heal old wounds

There is a great analogy that you can apply to relationships, which is that you don’t drive a car by looking in the rearview mirror, so perhaps you dwelt too much on past events, which you now don’t feel that strongly about having had time apart to reflect on things.

Time can certainly be a great healer and maybe by looking forward and thinking about starting over with a clean slate, a bit of time apart might prove to be the catalyst for taking your relationship in a new and positive direction, by getting back together.

Is the grass any greener?

A reason for parting can often be that one or both of you thought that the grass might be greener on the other side, so you decided to seek out a new person to share your life with.

You would not be the first person to discover that you perhaps did not see what you had going for in your relationship with your now ex-partner, making you see that perhaps the grass was actually nowhere near as greener as you had previously thought.

If you find yourself missing what you previously had, it might be an opportunity to find out of your old partner feels the same way, so that you can perhaps discuss the idea of getting back together again.

Prepared to change

Old habits die hard they say, but if both of you are committed to change your ways in order to revive the relationship, then it may well be worth giving it another shot.

You need to have a full and frank discussion with each other and decide what needs to change if your planned reunion is going to work this time around. Be realistic with these expectations, but make sure you air your views about what you would like to change, so that you can truly decide if there is scope to rekindle the relationship.

What do your friends think?

Close friends often have an opinion about your ex-partner, maybe not that good some of the time, but it can help to hear what they really thought about your relationship now you are no longer together.

If they are virtually begging you not to give them another chance, there must be a reason why they think that way, but if they think that getting back together could be good for, it might be a positive sign that there is still mileage left in your relationship and maybe getting back together is not such a bad idea.

Missing the company or the relationship?

It never hurts to ask yourself whether you truly miss the relationship that you had with your ex, or whether you just miss having someone around to keep you company.

It is normal to have feelings of loneliness and maybe even isolation after a breakup, but you should only contemplate getting back together if you miss the person and not just having someone around to keep you company.

Melissa Lawrence is an agony aunt who answers relationship problems. She trained as a therapist but turned agony aunt after the birth of her kids allowing her to work from home.

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Comments

  1. Doris Calvert says:

    Some good advice, we have been married 26 years in March and together for 35 years and it’s hard work, and a lot is communication. One thing we keep to id never go to bed mad, always resolve your issue before then if you can

  2. I find that older people will stick it out and find a resolution while younger people will find a new person as fast as possible (my sister was 6 month pregnant and her husband already had a new live in girlfriend) I too have been married for 25 yrs (together for 30 I think it is lol)

  3. Lately I’ve been thinking about couples who separate, and the saddest part of it all is they waste so much. Those good memories of past years that are now tainted by anger and bitterness.
    I haven’t been married so very long but we’re going to stick it out! Focusing on the good.

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